“Anger is the punishment we give ourselves for someone else’s actions.”
I came across this line in an article, and the author went on to describe how drained they felt once the anger finally cooled down. I wondered how universal this experience is — and how few of us understand what’s actually happening inside us. It made me rethink my own relationship with anger.
Anger is a natural signal that something important feels threatened or disrespected. It rises fast, hits hard, and often leaves us exhausted. That’s because, for a moment, the older “reptile” part of the brain — our survival system — takes over. Clear thinking, empathy, and perspective momentarily step aside.
I once couldn’t handle my anger during my high school, and that kept us apart for a decade.
When anger is left to simmer, it turns inward — draining our energy, tightening the body, and often hurting us more than the original trigger.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
If we can stay just a little aware in the heat of the moment, the emotion passes without doing further damage. Even a small shift in awareness can soften the entire moment. A few simple concepts like the following can be helpful:
Pause and breathe. A slow breath interrupts the rush and gives the mind a few seconds to return online.
Notice your patterns. Certain tones, expectations, or situations trigger us again and again. Awareness softens the impact.
Reframe the story. A small shift in interpretation can lower the emotional temperature almost instantly.
Managing anger isn’t about suppressing feelings — it’s about protecting our energy, our clarity, and our relationships. It’s choosing where our attention goes instead of letting emotions steer the entire day.
Start small.
A single pause.
A single breath.
A single belief: I can choose my response.
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