Living With What Cannot Be Changed

Our society wishes us to believe that, given enough time, everything eventually heals. Pain is expected to soften, memories are supposed to lose their sharpness, and the scars left by difficult experiences are expected to fade away as life moves forward. 

But this is not how our universe shaped us over the millennia.

There are experiences from which we can never completely recover. The grief of losing someone we deeply loved may remain with us as long as we remain conscious. 

A betrayal may permanently alter the way we look at a relationship, while a failure or humiliation may continue to occupy a small corner of our memory long after the event itself has lost its relevance.

Yet the permanence of a wound does not necessarily mean that our life has to remain defined by it.

Accepting that it has become part of our story is perhaps a more difficult form of healing than making the pain disappear. We can never return to being the person we were before a particular loss or disappointment, and trying to do so may simply keep us looking backwards when life has already moved forward.

Life has moved on, and so have we.

Acceptance does not mean giving in or simply putting the experience out of our mind. Rather, it means refusing to let the event—or the person involved—continue to control or affect our lives. Something can remain important without remaining in control of our lives.

Some things are simply painful, unfair or irreversible. Accepting that reality can nevertheless free us from the exhausting expectation that we must somehow repair what cannot be repaired.

In that sense, acceptance can become a form of moksha: a kind of liberation, a breaking free from the cycle of pain and attachment.

An authentic life is not one in which everything has been healed. It is one in which we recognise what cannot be changed.

This is in response to the prompt: Friday Writings #247: Reframing Negative Concepts

Family And The Godfather

This post responds to a prompt Friday Friday Writings #245: Family

One of the greatest movies of our time is The Godfather, frequently referred to when masters discuss cinematography and direction. For us it is the story, characters, performances and sheer brilliance of the filmmaking.

I wonder if there is another way of looking at The Godfather—through the lens of family life.

The obvious reaction will be: but it is about guns, crime and violence. Can we put those aside and look at the family itself?

The Corleones are remarkably close. They celebrate together, protect one another, respect their elders and have a powerful sense of belonging.

But there is a catch.

Family first—but at what cost?

The strength of the Corleone family comes largely from loyalty. When one member is threatened, the others rally around. Nobody is expected to face a crisis alone.

Every family needs the confidence that someone will stand beside us when things go wrong.

The burden of protection

Michael Corleone's journey shows how one person becomes the protector—the parent carrying the financial burden, the elder sibling looking after everyone, a person the family depends entirely on them.

Responsibility is admirable, but a family is healthier when it is shared.

When loyalty becomes silence

Their world also operates on secrecy and silence. Certain things are not discussed, questioned, and loyalty demands obedience.

Our families are worlds apart from theirs, but during difficult times, some decisions may need to be taken unilaterally, and everyone's views may not be useful.

But silence does not always protect a family. Honest disagreement does.

Love without control

The Corleones genuinely care about one another, which makes the story more interesting. Their bonds are not entirely artificial. There is affection, pride, tradition and belonging.

Yet those same bonds become controlling. Love should give us roots, not chains. A healthy family is one where everyone feels safe enough to be different.

So, what can we learn?

The Godfather gives us an interesting mirror. It shows the immense strength that can come from loyalty, belonging, responsibility and mutual protection. It also shows what happens when those virtues lose their moral boundaries.

Family matters deeply—but so does doing what is right.

The Corleones understood the first part exceptionally well, but they forgot the second.

There Comes a Time to Stop Blaming Your Past

I wonder at times if there comes a point in life when we need to stop blaming our past for our present circumstances.

Not because the past is unimportant.

Our upbringing, environment, education, opportunities, relationships, and experiences all leave their mark on us. Understanding them is always essential. Reflection helps us make sense of who we are, why we think the way we do, and how we arrived where we are today.

The problem is not looking back.

The problem begins when we continue to blame the past for today's results.

There is a subtle but important difference between saying:

"This happened to me."

and

"This is why I cannot move forward."

The first is an explanation. The second is an excuse.

At some point, our current situation belongs less to our past circumstances and more to our present choices. As adults, we gradually gain control over our decisions, habits, attitudes, relationships, and actions.

The responsibility slowly shifts.

Our past may explain where we started, but it cannot forever be held responsible for where we remain.

The Rear-View Mirror

"Life, like driving, requires a rear-view mirror."

A good driver checks it regularly. It provides awareness, context, and information. It reminds us that a difficult stretch of road is behind us and alerts us to what may still be following us.

The same is true in life.

Looking back helps us learn from mistakes, understand our motivations, and recognize patterns that might otherwise go unnoticed.

The rear-view mirror is not the problem.

"But imagine blaming the rear-view mirror because you are not reaching your destination."

That would be absurd.

The mirror did not choose your direction. It merely showed you where you had been.

The same principle applies to our past.

There comes a time when constantly blaming our upbringing, environment, parents, education, luck, or past failures becomes less about understanding and more about avoiding responsibility.

The past may have influenced today's reality, but it does not get to make tomorrow's decisions.

Only we have that power.

Think About It

Many people spend years searching their past for answers. Sometimes they find them.

But answers alone do not change anything.

At some point, the more important question becomes:

"What am I going to do now?"

That is where responsibility begins, because the future is still waiting to be shaped.

The past is a reference point, not a place to live.

Visit it when you need perspective. Learn from it when it has something to teach.

But do not give it permanent authority over your future.

Key Takeaways

• Understanding your past is valuable; blaming it indefinitely is not.
• Reflection creates awareness, but responsibility creates change.
• Your upbringing and environment influence you, but they do not have to define your future.
• The rear-view mirror is useful for context, not direction.
• The question eventually changes from “Why did this happen?” to “What am I going to do about it?”

Mottainai (もったいない) — The Quiet Regret of Waste

 

Deep inside, we like to believe that we do not waste—at least not like others. We tell ourselves we only purchase what we need, that we don’t discard things while they still hold value. We reuse, recycle, restore. At times we get irritated at the irresponsible packaging as expressed in my earlier post.

When I moved to Saudi Arabia in 2025, with just two and a half suitcases, I began to see how little I actually needed to live a fulfilling life. It was a quiet contemplation that all these days I have been indulging in excess.

And it dawned on me that when I went back home, I needed to start with a clear-out. What had slowly piled up over the years—drawers, shelves, storage boxes. Things kept aside “just in case,” things replaced but never discarded, things simply forgotten.

Items still in good condition. Clothes worn once or twice. Gadgets replaced before their time. Even small things—half-used notebooks, cables I never went back to, books I meant to read but didn’t.

It wasn’t just about waste. It was neglect.

Mottainai, a Japanese term, helped bring clarity to this.

It is not just about waste in the physical sense, but a deeper feeling—a kind of respect for what we have, and a sense of regret when that respect is missing.

The following questions need to be answered.

How often do we replace instead of repair?
Order more instead of finishing what’s already there?
Hold on to things we don’t need, while someone else might?

And beyond objects—how much time slips away unnoticed? How much attention gets scattered?

It sounds simple, but we rarely think of it this way. We associate waste with excess, but not always with neglect.

Mottainai, to me, is a reminder to be more conscious. To use fully, to value quietly, and to let go responsibly.

Because sometimes, respect is not about acquiring more—it is about using what we have to the fullest.

Thanks for stopping by and I would love to hear your feedback. You might be thinking that in today's world, it is not easy to get stuff repaired and I had experienced this as documented in an earlier post the lost art of repair and reuse.

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P.S.
Language shapes thought, and thought shapes action.

This series draws from Japanese concepts—not as cultural curiosities, but as quiet, practical guides to living with greater intention, mindfulness, and grace.

Other reflections in this series:

Shinrin-Yoku (森林浴) — Forest Bathing Reimagined for City Life

Oubaitori (桜梅桃李) — Each Tree Blooms in Its Own Time
Gaman (我慢) — The Art of Holding Steady When Things Go Wrong
Wabi-Sabi (侘寂) — Learning to Keep What Time Has Touched
A Friend, a Stapler, and the Meaning of Kaizen (改善)
When Words Become Ways of Living — Shikata ga nai (仕方がない)

Oubaitori (桜梅桃李) — Each Tree Blooms in Its Own Time

 

At some point in our lives, we’ve all heard that everyone has their own journey. Some paths accelerate early. Some take time to gather depth. Some change direction midway. None of them are wrong—unless we insist on comparing.

Most “middle benchers” like me have endured that familiar feedback—the promise and the results don’t quite match. We knew why. There were simply too many other things we wanted to do, and studying wasn’t always at the top of the list. But in hindsight, that was also a time when we were quietly spreading our wings.

Later, once on my own, the pressure began to mount. The questions followed—am I doing okay, am I in the right profession, am I on the right path?

I was reminded of this not in a moment of failure, but in a moment of quiet comparison.

There was a phase when I found myself measuring progress more often than I would admit. Not formally, not consciously—but in small, passing ways. A colleague moving ahead faster. Someone switching paths and finding success. Another achieving something I had once set aside.

Nothing dramatic. Just enough to raise a question—am I falling behind?

It took me a while to realize that the unease wasn’t about progress—it was about comparison. I wasn’t questioning my path; I was measuring it against someone else’s timeline.

That’s when I realised the true essence of 'Oubaitori'.

Four trees—cherry, plum, peach, pear. Each blooms in its own time. None rushes. None competes. None questions its season. And yet, each fulfils its purpose completely-in its own time.

It sounds simple, but we rarely live by it. We assume growth must follow a shared calendar.

But it doesn’t.

Oubaitori, to me, is a reminder to return to my own pace—to focus on what I am building, rather than how it measures up.

Because growth is not a race. It is a rhythm.

And in the end, the only question that really matters is—am I moving forward?

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P.S.
Language shapes thought, and thought shapes action.

This series draws from Japanese concepts—not as cultural curiosities, but as quiet, practical guides to living with greater intention, mindfulness, and grace.

Other reflections in this series:

Shinrin-Yoku (森林浴) — Forest Bathing Reimagined for City Life

Mottainai (もったいない) — The Quiet Regret of Waste

Gaman (我慢) — The Art of Holding Steady When Things Go Wrong
Wabi-Sabi (侘寂) — Learning to Keep What Time Has Touched
A Friend, a Stapler, and the Meaning of Kaizen (改善)
When Words Become Ways of Living — Shikata ga nai (仕方がない)

Reading Between the Stripes

Today wars are raging across continents—from Europe to Asia to Africa—and there is confusion in every mind around “who is the victim.” Every conflict carries two sides—sometimes more. Between the labels of oppressor and oppressed, protector and predator, lies everyone’s own truth, built upon fear, vulnerability and greed.

That made me think about something far simpler.

The life of the humble zebra.

The zebra is one of nature’s most beautiful creations—graceful, patterned, peaceful. Yet, for generations, it has lived under constant threat from the lion, with no real strength to fight back. While the lions come in a pack, the zebras are unable to mobilize their own kind to defend themselves.

It is difficult not to feel for the zebra.

Why does it continue to endure, simply running for its life across endless plains, century after century?

If evolution is a fact, it is tempting to wonder why the zebra did not, metaphorically speaking, “invent a machine gun” to kill the lions.

Maybe it has adapted—but its progress lies in quiet resilience, in the rhythm of running, grazing, escaping, and living on. There is perhaps wisdom in this surrender to the natural order.

So the zebra lives within this reality—at peace where it can be, alert where it must be, grateful for another day.

Now, if you were the grass, enduring this endless aggression from the zebras day after day, how would you see the zebra and the lion?

Would the zebra be your monster—the one that devours you without pause—and the lion your protector, the one that keeps that hunger in check and allows you to grow back?

Think about it.

Gaman (我慢) — The Art of Holding Steady When Things Go Wrong

Gemini Generated Image

“Life has a way of testing us just when we think we’ve found steady ground.”

I was reminded of this on a short personal trip from Kolkata to Bangalore a few years back.

The work was done, the day had gone to plan, and I had timed my departure carefully—navigating the usual Bangalore traffic with just enough buffer to reach the airport without stress. It felt like one of those rare days where things were under control.

I tried to web check-in at the airport. It didn’t go through. I assumed it was just a routine glitch.

I moved to the counter. The staff tried to pull up the booking but failed.

Then the realization landed—quietly, but completely.

Same flight. Same date. Next month.

For a few minutes, the mind did what it always does—retrace steps, look for an error, hope for a workaround. But there wasn’t one. The only option was to step aside, wait, and book a new ticket for a late-night flight, eventually reaching home early the next morning.

It wasn’t a crisis, but it was enough to shake the illusion of control.

Perhaps that is how it often unfolds—nothing dramatic, just a quiet disruption that asks for more composure than reaction.

Challenges come uninvited — a setback, a disappointment, a moment that shakes our confidence. In such times, perseverance doesn’t always mean pushing harder; sometimes it means pausing, breathing, and choosing calm over chaos.

This is where the Japanese concept of Gaman (我慢) can guide us.

Gaman speaks of enduring the difficult with patience and dignity, holding oneself steady not through denial, but through quiet restraint.

When life gets hard, pause — but don’t quit. Give yourself space to feel, to think, to realign. The world often glorifies constant motion, but quiet resilience can be just as powerful.

You may not control every circumstance, but you can influence how you respond — with patience, humility, and grace. Keep moving forward, even if progress is slow or uncertain. Strength isn’t about pretending not to struggle; it is about continuing despite it, and knowing when to allow others to walk beside you.

Perhaps this is not a one-off reflection. I first had this thought at a traffic stop years ago and even wrote a post about it, titled “My 2 Minutes.”

Gaman does not ask us to be unshaken.
It asks us to remain steady, even when we are shaken.

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P.S.
Language shapes thought, and thought shapes action.

This series draws from Japanese concepts—not as cultural curiosities, but as quiet, practical guides to living with greater intention, mindfulness, and grace.

Other reflections in this series:

Shinrin-Yoku (森林浴) — Forest Bathing Reimagined for City Life

Mottainai (もったいない) — The Quiet Regret of Waste
Oubaitori (桜梅桃李) — Each Tree Blooms in Its Own Time
Wabi-Sabi (侘寂) — Learning to Keep What Time Has Touched
A Friend, a Stapler, and the Meaning of Kaizen (改善)
When Words Become Ways of Living — Shikata ga nai (仕方がない)

Let My Star Be Your Guide

This is my attempt in response to Friday Writings #217: Your Message to the World 

We are mere travellers here,
drifting wherever life takes us.

No one will ever earn here
the right to dictate others’ paths.

We barely see the path here
clearly beyond the next bend.

Still, for fellow travelers here
I share my guiding North Star.

People spend their lives here

just fighting their own storms.

True, we cannot always help here,

never unleash our demons on them

Wabi-Sabi (侘寂) — Learning to Keep What Time Has Touched

 Gemini Generated

For many of us, calendars, diaries, and yearbooks marked the arrival of a new year. The unused one from the year before rarely went to waste — it became a scrapbook of sorts. A place for doodles, secret codes, half-formed thoughts, phone numbers, and ideas that felt important in the moment.

Handwritten notes, smudged ink, messy, uneven lines. Imperfect — but deeply personal.

Over the years, I collected a lot of those and at some point, I decided it was time to clean up my shelves. It felt practical at the time.
Old diaries were discarded, with only scanned copies of selected pages treasured.

I feel sad about that decision now. I didn’t realise then how much of me lived in those pages — they were part of growing up, maturing together. Those clumsy lines on paper were akin to the veins of a tree, irregular in shape yet proof of years of existence.

I wasn’t aware of the Japanese concept of Wabi-Sabi then, but I felt its essence.

Wabi-Sabi invites us to see beauty in imperfection.
It encourages us to embrace the imperfect, the transient, and the incomplete — a cracked teacup, a worn-out pair of jeans.

It asks us to accept every crack, wrinkle, and stain not as flaws, but as quiet markers of authenticity — like a painter’s strokes on the artwork of being alive.

Suddenly, those old diaries felt dearer, and their absence created a sense of vacuum. Life is a mosaic, a collage formed by both perfect and imperfect everyday moments. Removing traces of imperfection does not make the image perfect; it makes it unauthentic — someone else’s life.

A chipped mug that brews the morning coffee — each chip carrying the memory of a day.
A weathered wooden table — scratched by years of family dinners, marked by countless cups of tea, holding a history no polish should erase.
An old photograph, creased at the edges — imperfectly preserved, yet holding a perfect memory.

While Kaizen teaches us to keep improving, step by step, Wabi-Sabi reminds us not to discard what time has already shaped.

One urges growth; the other, acceptance.
Perhaps a meaningful life needs both —
the courage to improve,
and the wisdom to keep what already bears our marks.

---

P.S.
Language shapes thought, and thought shapes action.

This series draws from Japanese concepts—not as cultural curiosities, but as quiet, practical guides to living with greater intention, mindfulness, and grace.

Other reflections in this series:

Shinrin-Yoku (森林浴) — Forest Bathing Reimagined for City Life

Mottainai (もったいない) — The Quiet Regret of Waste
Oubaitori (桜梅桃李) — Each Tree Blooms in Its Own Time
Gaman (我慢) — The Art of Holding Steady When Things Go Wrong
A Friend, a Stapler, and the Meaning of Kaizen (改善)
When Words Become Ways of Living — Shikata ga nai (仕方がない)

The 54th Post — Closing the Daily Chapter

 

I have been on a writing marathon for the past seven weeks — and today, on 30 November 2025, I’m closing this chapter with the 54th post of my series. It has been a ritual: sometimes demanding, often unexpected, but always real fun.

Over the previous 53 posts, I wrote about many things — curiosity, doubts, discoveries, ideas. I experimented with different styles: sometimes essay-like, sometimes personal, sometimes informative, sometimes conversational, and once I even tried a poem. I wandered between memories and questions, theories and observations, hopes and uncertainties, including a few thoughts on AI.

What I wrote:

Moments of wondering — small questions I had about life, culture, and the things I see and feel around me.

Thoughts on learning, on change, on growing.

Pieces of honesty — moments where I tried to share what I truly thought rather than what I “should” think.

A mix of genres — essays, musings, and snapshots of ideas. I pushed myself not to follow a fixed formula but to trust where my pen (or keyboard) led.

Once I shared an old Tagore song my daughter used to sing as a child, and once I tried my hands at a poem.

Some days the words came easily, like they had been waiting for me. On other days, I had to sit quietly and coax them out one by one.

What I learned — and how I changed:

The first lesson for me is that writing consistently taught me how to think more clearly. Even when I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say, the act of writing teased out hidden thoughts — ideas that were living inside me without my awareness.

I learned that motivation does not need external stimuli — I wrote whether or not anyone was reading, reacting, or appreciating the effort.

A big lesson was that you don’t need to write anything negative, hateful, or hurtful to keep going — even though social media often allows exactly that to thrive.

I also learned that discipline beats inspiration. Not every day was inspiring; some days I wrote simply because I promised myself I would. And often those pieces surprised me — with clarity, with emotion, with something I didn’t expect at the start.

And along the way, I connected with many like-minded bloggers — people I would never have met otherwise — you being one of them.

What this marathon means — and what are the take aways:

This series was a commitment: a way to prove to myself that I could keep going. A way to give shape to my inner questions, to trust my own voice, and to build a habit of creation and exploration.

If you read even one post and felt a spark — a thought, a question, a moment of recognition — then this marathon was worth it. And if you’re reading this now and thinking, “Maybe I could try that too,” then take this as a quiet invitation: start. Write something. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It may feel confusing. It may matter only to you. But keep going.

To you, dear reader — known or unknown — thank you for being here. I'm not going away; I’m simply closing this daily ritual. Keep thinking, keep questioning, keep writing your own story.

— End of the daily series, not the writing.