Are you walking into rooms wondering why the vibe feels off—or why you aren’t being accepted warmly?
It’s a heavy feeling. You see a friend or peer welcomed with open arms, while your own entrance feels flat. In those moments, it is easy to blame the universe, office politics, or personal biases. But before you conclude that the world is being unfair, I want to share a gift with you that helped me navigate this very crossroads.
At the beginning, I carried an unspoken assumption—that it was my birthright to be accepted and greeted warmly in any company. Perhaps that came from growing up in a close circle of friends and familiar faces.
But in a new place, when I was no longer at the center, I felt invisible. I found myself wanting to quietly melt away into the background.
It took me time to realise that presence is not assumed—it is shaped by how we show up.
Years ago, I received this advice from a TED talk. It wasn't just a lesson; Julian Treasure delivered it like a mantra transferred from a guru to his disciple. It came down to one simple question I now ask myself:
Did I HAIL?
The response you receive from others is often a mirror of the energy you bring to the interaction. When we lead with sincerity, we create the space for warmth to return to us.
I’m not saying the other person is always right—they are not. I’ve experienced those moments many times where a handshake felt mechanical, as if it were just a box to tick. There are times when people ask how you are, yet their tone reveals a lack of sincerity.
But even then, this mantra reminds me: I can’t control how others show up—but I can choose how I do.
To change how people respond to you, I invite you to lead with these four pillars:
H – Honesty: Are you being clear and straightforward?
A – Authenticity: Are you showing up as yourself, or a version you think they want?
I – Integrity: Are you someone who can be trusted from the first handshake?
L – Love: Are you genuinely wishing them well?
When you lead with honesty and goodwill, the atmosphere shifts. Not always immediately, but enough to know the effort is never wasted. Because in the end, the question is not just how others receive us—it is how we choose to be, every single time we meet the world.
The Challenge:
In your next three interactions today—whether it’s at the supermarket, the park, a kitty party, or with your boss—consciously apply the HAIL method. Notice if the "warmth" in the room changes.
I’ve passed this mantra to you as it was once received by me. Which of these four pillars do you need to lean into most today?
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